Forcing myself to have gay thoughts …?
Hi, I’m very confused lately. It might be obsessive toughts due to a huge lack of confidence or self listening but 3 months ago while I was working, I started to ask myself a million of questions including questions about my sexual orientation. I dug in the past to find the answers and I just couldn’t figure out what was wrong. I did masturbate once in my life while I was thinking about a guy as far as I remember but it wasn’t sexual … it was some kind of challenge-fantasy towards the same sex … I have a girlfriend and I love her to death. I would never break her heart. I quit my job because everyday I would come in start looking at mens in a different way and even check them out. But when I have a good day and I keep myself busy, I don’t think about those things same when I’m with my gf … But lately, I would have weak orgasm … less libido … less confidence … I would find myself stupid to everything I do wrong … it’s unbelievable how low I am :s … I ordered those enlarge-your-penis-pills cuz I feel like I’m not horny enough. My head is a real mess. I’m curious, unsatisfied even tho I got the best I always deserved. I use to be 200pds and girls would push me away. My ex never gave me a lot of pleasure either so maybe I’m sexualy frustrated … I don’t know what’s going on anymore. I use to go to gay clubs with my gay and lesbian friends without being uncomfortable but now just being around my gay friend makes me feel like I need to think I’m gay too … Could it be just a phase ? I’m 21 and pre-matured so I think I’m having my period of questionning. HELP ! I have these weird questions lately uh … I hate hanging around guys …
-I often imagine myself doing it with a guy but I don’t know if I’d feel confortable doing it …
-I’m very paranoid in general
I honestly think you’re WAY too paranoid. If you read what you wrote, you will notice two things:
1) You keep questioning yourself when you know in your heart that you like women.
2) You feel sexually frustrated.
You know, when you fear something and keep questioning yourself about it, of COURSE you’re going to trick yourself into thinking that you’re something you’re not. You’re scared, honey. Don’t be. Look into your heart and be truthful with yourself. Put your fear aside and don’t let it rule you as it is doing now.
Oh and by the way, just because you look at guys and check them out does NOT necessarily mean you’re gay. hahaha Girls do that all the time to each other and it means nothing. It’s just appreciating someone’s beauty. =) This applies to you, I believe.